M&M's.....from 1992

Once in a great while, when the universe was being extremely generous to me, the g-units would leave town for the weekend to visit relatives. This was the one time when I could have girls spend the night, and not have to sneak them out at 5 in the morning through the basement door. This was also the time when I could rummage through places that I otherwise could not rummage through without bringing attention to myself. So there I was... rummaging through a cabinet in the kitchen when I found a huge, opened bag of M&M's. I looked at it, and noticed the old M&M's label that you don't see anymore. It was a lower case, block, bold font... Having learned my lesson from previous experiences, I checked the expiration date, seeing that it had a sell-by date of 1992. This was 2003. I looked at the ingredients, mostly chemicals, preservatives, colorings, things that probably don't really go bad, so I tried one. It tasted like any old M&M that wasn't 11 years old, so I started chowing down. I wandered all over the house, munching down these 11 year old M&M's without much thought of anything. As I neared the bottom of the bag, I removed my fist-full of M&M's, and thought I saw something move and disappear into the un-eaten, 11 year old M&M's. I hoped I was seeing things, but just to be sure, I shook the bag, and to my horror, hundreds of maggots squirmed up from the depths of the 11 year old M&M's. I saw them wiggling in and out wondering what apocalyptic force had disturbed their slumber. That was the only time in my life that I came very close to shoving a toothbrush down my throat. That was also the very last time I ate anything in that house that was past, or really, even very close to an expiration date. In case you're wondering, I still love M&M's. But I'm the guy that read Fast Food Nation, and was craving McDonald's afterwards...